...seven days...

I'm listening to an amazing new band right now - Jack's Mannequin. I've seen rumor of these guys for awhile but never looked into them, and right now I'm liking it a LOT. It's late and I'm tired and need to go to bed, too.

Again, not feeling the blogging. But I never really filled in this weekend so I feel like I should do that. I like hanging out with Lauren, though Cassidy didn't talk to her much. And I didn't think anything was weird at the time, but afterwards I thought...man, I wish they would have talked more. I asked Cass Saturday night what she thought of Lauren and she just said "eh, she's all right". I don't know why she just thinks she's all right, and I haven't really had the chance to ask her since then. Lauren did hook up with one of Josh's roommates, but I hope that Cass doesn't think she's a ho or something now, because she's really cool...in any case, I'm still a little irked (and by "a little", I mean "a lot") because I just want to know. One part of me thinks...he's a really good friend and I love being around him and talking to him, and it's been a long time since I've felt that instantly comfortable around someone. So just go with it like it is. But then the other part of me, the one that likes him and wants to win him, thinks...what the hell is wrong with that girl? I want to rat her out and be like, "this is what she's telling people!" Except not really like that, because I don't really give a shit what she tells people. Because she's definitely the one that's going to sound like a jackass if she's making crazy statements. I think I'm worried that she's not totally lying and that my chance of being anything to him ever just went down 67%. And I hate that feeling of loss. Rejection. Whatever. But like I said...I'm his friend. We're pretty good friends considering how little we really know about each other, and how long our lines of communication have been open. That's something I need to work on with him, is getting to know each other better. Because every time I really get to thinking about it, we don't know much of anything about each other. Not really about each other.

Whenever I think about talking to someone about something, I run through scenarios in my head. And they always go over pretty smoothly, I always say the right things, blah blah blah. But when it comes time to say exactly what it is I was intending, I always choke because I fear that it's going to be the wrong thing. And/or upset them. Or something. I'm thinking about this because of what I was just talking about, with trying to get to know Josh. One day when it's just he and I hanging out (when I take him to dinner or when I'm at his place sometime or something), I want to just start asking him questions. And just tell him, hey I don't know much about you and I was thinking that I want to know this this and this, and just go with it. But whenever I think about doing that, I think...what if he's like...um...weird? And how else would I go about getting that information? Because I almost feel like we're at a point now where we should know things about each other that we don't. And at least for me, it's almost uncomfortable that we don't. Like about his family. I don't know much about it. I know he's got a sister (stepsister?) that lives in Colorado and has a baby that is fairly new. His parents are divorced, I think his mom is remarried, and I think he might have been raised by the stepdad. He's got a huge extended family, of whom he doesn't see often. However, when I think about what he knows about me...he knows I have a brother that I love more than anything in the world. I don't know if he knows I have 2 other brothers. He knows my dad is an alcoholic (which I think I've only ever said aloud to him, but he has no way of knowing that is a big deal for me), but that he still works and has insurance. I don't know what else I've told him. I don't know what to think.

Guster is in one week! Liv called me to tell me that the radio said whoever brings the most food (based on poundage) gets 2 backstage passes to meet the band. Unfortunately she and I are not going together, but we really want to bring the most food and meet the Gusters!!! It would be a dream come true, and we have no idea how much food is going to win us the passes. Not to mention that she and I are two impressive procrastinators...

I updated both facebook and myspace today, and I'm feeling rather accomplished. Though I want to learn how to do more html so that I can jazz up myspace and make it cool.

I haven't told my parents that I'm moving out in May yet. Today they came back from Hastings to say that they'd bought 2 new mattress sets for Kallen and Abe. Mom got it in her head that I was mad I didn't get a new mattress, which is pure silliness because I don't. I have a bed, and though I do want t new one, I know what I want, and I want to pick out the mattress. Anyway, I was a little irritated because though they got a good deal, they still spent $300. Which they don't have. And I'm not sure who they expect to fund their beer and whatever else they want to buy between checks (they're both on optional layoff right now and are getting unemployment, but only every 2 weeks). Because they currently owe me $55 from these last 2 weeks, and I'm still waiting on the $180 from this summer because that's a lot of money, and it irritates me. Not to mention I've got a lot of money I need to spend on things and I'm doing stupid things like moving out in May. I owe the state of Michigan $500 (which I need to call about tomorrow before big problems begin) for my last installment of the responsible driver fee, I owe GRCC a nonspecific amount because I have to call them first, though I'm sure it's somewhere in the ballpark of $700, my fees to the Grand Rapids Public Library go up every day because I still haven't taken my 4 books back and they're 3 weeks late at least. I owe the Village of Lake Odessa a minimum of $8 in unpaid parking tickets. My car payment is due next Friday which I have most of the money for right now and will have by this weekend, but I'm also going to 3 concerts next week, one of which I owe Karen for the ticket still. And I'll want money for shirts, food, etc. Probably CD's. And there will be some type of security deposit that I will need to pay at some point for the place, but Karen didn't know yet how much. Nor do we know when I will need to pay it. And I'm not sure when I'll have to pay the first bout of rent. But that means that I will have to save everything I make from now til then which doesn't sound that bad, but I'm bad at saving.

I'm going to try and get up tomorrow to look for job #deuce. I'm thinking Kava House in Kentwood. Liv said she would give me a good reference, and I'll talk to Amanda and see if she will too. I've met George before. And I would like to be a barista. Not going to lie though, I'm not excited about having to train somewhere new...I always hate training. But this might be fun. It's in a good area, it's a decent hourly, and it's literally down the street from where Ben and Cortni are moving to this weekend. So I might actually get to see them sometimes. I just like money more than I should. And like the thought of working in a coffee house. But I've gotten myself pretty psyched for this Kava job just in the last few hours I've been thinking about it, so I'm worried that it's not going to work out for me, and I'll be sad. We'll see.

For someone who was not feeling her blog tonight, I've pumped a lot out. But I've got to burn this CD of Jack's Mannequin and go take a shot and go to bed. Guster (and Matt and Ben and Cass and potentially Tye and Josh) in 7 Days!!

Not feelin' it...

Quick update time, 'cause I'm not sure that I'm feeling the blogging right now...

Friday night, Geoff's apartment, his pre-birthday birthday party. I had cleaned their bathrooms on Wednesday night, so it was up for the challenge. Geoff had bought dry ice for the keg, and I kept stealing pieces to use for my drinks, so they were most definitely the coolest looking drinks there. Except at one point when I swallowed a tiny straggler of it, and it burned my throat. LeeAnn got upset and made me strain out the ice, haha.

Saturday night, went with Cassidy and Lauren to Royal Oak. The "guest of honor", birthday boy Ryan, got kicked out of the house before we got there, so the party was no longer for him but just for fun. We participated in a random-draw beer pong tournament, where I did NOT place. It was Lauren and Josh against me and this Pat character, and we lost by 2-3 cups. Then in the losers bracket a bunch of people had left and it ended up being a girl named Marci, with Josh filling in...against me, going alone. I lost by 1 cup. Bummer town. Fun factoid though - Alison told Lauren that she and Josh have been together since January, and the empirical part of me finds it interesting that none of that adds up. I wonder if she missed the memo that...they're not? I don't think he's lying to me. I think she's just a Stage 4 Clinger.

Today we left, hit up Big Boy, the MSU Dairy (Lauren has a friend who was working), and then I drove to Lowell only to find that Geoff's family function was in fact at HIS house. So I went there, took a nap, hung out. After everyone left I putzed around and helped his mom label some jewelry that she's sending to Pennsylvania to sell. Came to Opie's...and here I am.

Nyle's funeral is tomorrow. Later today technically - 11am. I still haven't made the official "I'm going" decision, and the more I think about it, the more I think I'm not. I should be there for Opie. I should go because that would be what is good. But I feel like, by me being there, I'm taking up space that should be for people who knew him better than me. And why should I contribute to the familys long list of people they feel obligated to console, even though they're the ones that should be getting consoled? Not that I'm going to require consolation, but it's the principle of it...I feel like it will be an amazing funeral. There will be so many people there. Martin is singing. And at least this won't be a eulogy from a random person that never knew Nyle. But again...I feel like I might be posing by being there.

That's really all I've got. I'm pretty tired, therefore not a lot of thoughts are going through my head that make sense. And I feel like those that do will just be rambling and repetative, so I'll spare you tonight.

My iPod is (pretty much) officially dead. There are a couple of things that suck about that...1. I will have to reget music from LeeAnn, Cassidy, Opie, and Geoff. Not a problem except that LeeAnn and Opie (and possibly Cass) have since deleted music that I had on Apollo. 2. In order to replace some of the music, it may involve either profuse downloading, or the re-borrowing and re-ripping of many of Ben's CDs...which is just annoying for all parties involved. 3. I will have lost my playlists. Again not a huge deal, I did only have 5, and 3 of them will be fairly easy to re-get because they're the 2 CD's I've sent Josh (which I have written down someplace, or can ask him), and the Life Soundtrack I just made (which I blogged). But the other 2 playlists were "Go To Hell"; 1 was CD-length, I just have never gotten around to making it, and the other was quite long and I know I don't have the songlist anywhere. Sooooo...boo. I'm hoping that Apollo shows me mercy just one more time before I reformat...4. I fall asleep to Apollo, and I feel that I will have trouble without it. Seriously, it's bad. Last night I had trouble getting settled down, and I think it's part of the reason I'm so...weird...tonight.

Nyle Yates...may you rest in peace.

LAKE ODESSA, Mich. — A soldier from a community located between Grand Rapids and Lansing was killed while serving in Iraq, the Department of Defense announced.
A defense department statement released Monday said Army Cpl. Nyle Yates III died in Bayji, Iraq, on Thursday “when he came under small arms fire by enemy forces during combat operations.”
Yates, a 22-year-old from Lake Odessa, was assigned to a unit that operated out of Fort Campbell, Ky. (3/21/2006)


Army confirms death of Mich. soldier in Iraq
22-year-old Lake Odessa man killed in Bayji when he came under small arms fire by enemy forces
By Oralandar Brand-Williams The Detroit News /

Army Cpl. Nyle Yates III was a nice young man who mentored younger kids at the Lakewood Youth Center while attending Lakewood High School in Lake Odessa in western Michigan, friends said.
Ferol Ball of Lake Odessa, a retired school bus driver, drove him to high school and described him as a God-fearing youth.
"He was a Christian young man," said Ball, whose son was a close friend of Cpl. Yates. "Our only solace is that he's with the Lord right now."
Cpl. Yates, 22, of Lake Odessa, was killed Thursday in Bayji, Iraq, when he came under small arms fire by "enemy forces during combat operations," the Department of Defense announced Tuesday.
Cpl. Yates was assigned to the Army's 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), the Defense Department said. He was on his second tour in Iraq and is at least the 81st service member with ties to Michigan to die in that country since the war began in March 2003.
"He was a quiet and good-natured kid who came to school and did what we asked him to do," said Mike O'Mara, principal of Lakewood High School, where Cpl. Yates graduated in 2002. After graduation, he joined the Army, said O'Mara.
"He wasn't able to go to college, so I believe he did this (joined the Army) to get money for college," Ball said.
Cpl. Yates' parents moved to Eagle, near Lansing, after his graduation.
"It's a shock," said O'Mara. "Teachers have talked about what a good kid he was to have in their classes."
For Ball, news of Cpl. Yates' death hit especially hard. Cpl. Yates and Ball's son, Joey, were longtime pals.
"It's young men and women like him who keep us free," she said. "When they give their lives it's hard (emotionally)."
Cpl. Yates is survived by his mother and stepfather, Jami and Donald Edgecomb; and a sister, Krystal. His family could not be reached for comment.
Funeral arrangements are being made by the Peters & Murray Funeral Home in Grand Ledge.


Lake Odessa mourns soldier's death
Saturday, March 18, 2006
By Theresa D. McclellanThe Grand Rapids Press
LAKE ODESSA -- As word spread that a former Lake Odessa high school student died while serving in Iraq, shocked and saddened residents recalled Nyle Yates as a humorous and straightforward young man.
Lakewood High School Principal Mike O'Mara said he learned of the 2002 graduate's death Thursday from Yates' family.
"He was a quiet kid who did what he was supposed to do in school. He came as a baby-faced freshman all of 5'5" and left as a 6'1" senior who always had a smile on his face," recalled O'Mara.
Yates joined the Army in 2002 and was serving his second tour of duty, friends said. Yates saw combat during his first tour of duty. At that time, he was a radio operator when his commander was wounded.
"Nyle had to call in a helicopter. For a 19-year-old kid, that was pretty good," recalled the principal.
Debbie Calderon of Lake Odessa said she, too, learned of Yates' death Thursday.
"It's such a tight-knit community. We want to do something to honor his memory fighting in the war," she said.
"My heart goes out to his mother."
Some friends were too distraught to speak about him. "This town took a big hit," said one man, who described Yates as his best friend.
Ferol Ball of Lake Odessa said her son, Joe Day, of Texas, was another close friend of Yates.
Her son called her with the news of his death Thursday. "It was a rough night," Ball said.
"(Yates) was a very straightforward, honest, loving and caring individual. He served his country, he wanted to, and unfortunately he gave his life. But without men and women like him, it would be a more dangerous world. I have four sons and can't imagine losing one," Ball said.
Funeral arrangements were incomplete Friday.

...and sorry I could not travel both...

I can help other people with a lot of things. Including hard mental/emotional things. But I think I'm pretty much worthless when it comes to friends dying. I don't want to make them laugh because I don't want to attempt that prematurely. I don't want to try and make them talk about it, because that might not be what they need at that time. I'm paying attention. I listen if they're volunteering information. I give hugs. Sometimes I even ask safety questions ("how'd that go?"). But I feel like I'm almost ignoring the fact that a friend just died. Like I'm forcing normality when it's just not there. It's uncomfortable for me, and I'm not used to being outside comfort circles. That's all I've got. Thanks for letting me vent. Weird last few days.

That was going to be an email to Josh. Just because I'm in a weird place. (When haven't I been in a weird place the last few weeks?) I haven't sent it yet, it's sitting in another browser window waiting for me to decide if I want to freak him out or not. I actually have zero concern for it freaking him out, for 2 reasons...1. I don't think it would freak him out, and 2. I'm me, and if he doesn't like me then f- it. And he likes me so far, so I don't see why that would change it. (Update: just sent it.)

Otherwise...Nyle's funeral is on Monday. I think Opie is doing all right. He's not a talker. He talks when he needs to. He's been spending a lot of time at Nyle's house with his mom and his family, and he's enjoying himself and it's helping him a lot. I think my thing is that I feel helpless. And I'm not there to witness the healing going on at Nyle's house for everyone, so I'm not able to understand it, and I'm only imagining a lot of pain. Which I'm sure is there. I just have such a matter-of-fact way of dealing with death because I've not had a lot of recent, personal experience with it..so I can only imagine what it's like to lose a friend, and it would be devastating. I'm imagining a lot of turmoil inside that other people wouldn't see. And I don't want Opie to have that. So I'll continue to be here for him if that's what he needs, and we'll go from there.

Tried to download more band music. Band music is hard to come by...but orchestra music is a bit more prevalent, and I'm getting the Fantasia 2000 soundtrack right now. I forgot how much I loved Pomp and Circumstance (if I recall, the 2nd Movement was my favorite...or maybe it was the 4th...I don't remember which one is thought of as the "Graduation March". But that's NOT my favorite.) Tonight when I was doing my OTLE duty at work, I was rockin' out to some Mozart String Quartet songs, performed by the Franz Schubert string quartet. Music compliments of Stephanie. It was amazing. That was after I got to listen to both Shenandoah (Frank Ticheli is more amazing than words can describe), Cajun Folk Songs (again, Ticheli), and Where Never Lark Nor Eagle Flew (James Curnow...Cur-Wow, haha). I'm in a word-less place too, I guess.

That's about it. I love Abby. I damn-near overflowed her AIM with messages last night whilst she was sleeping with a random vent of tired worry, and today she came through with the sign-on-hello that makes me smile. And we vented to one another for awhile, expressed concerns, discussed matters of immediate importance, and she went to sleep. I should be sleeping, but with the stress of the times, and the pressing need for the music of the Gods, here I sit. Tomorrow I'm going to sleep for awhile (I start my .75 dose shot tonight), then probably come here, download some music (I want to make some mainstream music CD's for McDermott's party this weekend), and maybe go to Lansing if the mood strikes. Jeff and I have been talking more lately, and I think it might be fun to go hang out with him (he, Geoff, and Steph watch LOST every Wednesday, so perhaps afterwards Jeff and I could hang out while the other two do their thing). And I never really need an excuse to want to see Geoff, though he's been kind of a downer the last couple times I've gone there...I think he's got a lot on his mind lately. I know he does. And I'm not one to pressure him into trying to talk, so I just kinda go with it. Plus I think he's been tired. Story of my life.

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
No 412 squadron, RCAF
Killed 11 December 1941

I live on the corner of Grey Street, and the end of the World...

I'm still not going to post my explanations because I haven't written them out yet. That's what I'm going to do once I go home, shower, and have time to think a little. Right now I'm downloading some music that I want, and trying to think through things. My heart is pounding right now in that way that it does when something is making me really nervous and I don't really know what or why. Here are the reasons why I think it's happening:

1. I've decided to drop my class, I think. This is huge. Not really good-huge. I don't want to not be a student this semester. But I'm so distracted, and I've dug myself a very deep hole, and I'm not sure I can get out of it. Plus I'm still in cahoots with the cashiers office, have not the money to pay for anything, and really just...am not feeling it this semester. It's not smart of me to keep doing this. This not going but still being enrolled. It is literally the last thing on my list of priorities. You might say that at least it's on the list, but that's not good enough for me. I'm not doing well, and I'm not a bad student. I'm not an idiot, I get biology, but I'm not putting forth the effort. I'm going home to talk to my mom about it tonight, and pass it through her. She'll back me up for whatever I do, I just need to talk to her about it and get us both on the same page.

2. Karen asked me if I was game for living with them, at least through the summer. I want to, but it will be another $300 going out a month, which I can do I think, it's just...$300 more a month that I won't have to frivilously spend on randomness. Which is something I love to do. And even that won't really stop me from moving in, because I would love to live with Karen and Thao, and definitely want to live in Grand Rapids, and can handle not dumping my money into nothingness, it's just that I'm concerned that I'm not going to make enough over the summer at Friday's to afford my car payment and rent. That's a total of $625/month which I can do right now, and probably even over the summer, but once next fall hits and I'm taking classes, will I be able to do that? I can always take out loans, I have no problem going into extreme debt, it's just...I don't want to get into an awkward money position.

3. I really don't want to be that loser who stops going to school for a semester. I secretly judge those people when I hear about them. And now I'm going to be one of them. It doesn't matter that I have a reason kind of. I'm still one of them. Distractions or not. Damn me.

4. I really don't want to be another girl to Josh. I met Alison on Saturday, and she's my competition, and I hate it. I hate knowing her. And I hate that I'm going to Royal Oak for Ryan's birthday party on Saturday, and she's going to be there. I shouldn't, because they're friends, and we're friends, but she likes him, and I like him, and I HATE FIGHTING OVER BOYS. She and I aren't even friends, I just don't like fighting over boys. She and I aren't even fighting actually, but the competition is there. Part of me wants to just say...she can have him. I'd rather just be his friend than have to turn into some petty broad. Because that is one thing I won't do. Though it's not like it's up to she and I to decide who "gets him" as it's kind of his choice...But I don't like feeling this way. All anxious, and not good enough. I think I just summed up my feelings as I was venting to Abby's AIM...I don't want to have competition, and I don't want to have this end with him choosing her, and me being sad and not feeling good enough. I've felt not good enough before, and it sucks. We'll see how this goes...after all, he said he's not looking for a girlfriend, and he's not "choosing" anything right now, and there is no reason for me to be all estro and start freaking out over nothing.

5. I really don't want to be that college student. But I really want to work through the whole summer, pay off all my medical bills, have some fun, and get a little money in the bank.

6. Karen is leaning towards Oakland for grad school. Which I guess I knew, but have never really thought about. And she's going to be done at GV after next fall. And she's thinking about moving back the East side next January. Which happens to be my exact plan. So tonight she and I discussed a possible living-together arrangement. Because she doesn't particularily want to move back home. And she's not necessarily going to go right back to school, but she does want to get over there, get a job...it would be perfect. I want it to work. I don't want to go there, and live with some mystery person. And now the seed of thought is planted, and I really want it.

That's what I've got. My random frickin' thoughts. My ridiculous, distracted nothingness. I feel so...clouded over. Just not focused. Very flakey. I don't know where my priorities are. I know exactly what I want to ultimately do. I have some very good goals, and I'm intelligent enough to reach them. But I have put very little thought into how I'm going to get to those final places, and I feel like I'm just flaking out. And I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm floating, and a little helpless, and very unreliable. I hate not having anything to blame. That sounds bad. I mean that I don't have any good reason to feel this way, and yet I can't explain why I do feel like it.

I need to take a shower and get this Friday's stink off of me.

And the Life Soundtrack is DONE...

This post has to be a quick one because I'm waking Geoff up in 10 minutes so he can finish his homework, and so I can go home. The soundtrack is as follows:

Jason Mraz - Life Is Wonderful
Coldplay - Fix You
Five For Fighting - Maybe I
Jamie Cullum - Twentysomething
Jack Johnson - Dreams Be Dreams
Dave Matthews Band - Grey Street
Ben Folds - Best Imitation Of Myself
Gavin DeGraw - (Nice To Meet You) Anyway
Something Corporate - Break Myself
The Starting Line - Stay Where I Can See You
The All-American Rejects - Move Along
Dashboard Confessional - Am I Missing
Guster - Happier
Hot Hot Heat - Goodnight, Goodnight
Keaton Simons - Mood Swings
Motion City Soundtrack - The Future Freaks Me Out
Vertical Horizon - I'm Still Here
Straylight Run - It's For the Best
The Fray - Look After You
Michael Tolcher - The Sun Song
Matt Wertz - Everything's Right

All in all, pretty amazing, not going to lie. Some tracks don't even have that much to do with my life except that I listen to them a lot. Others could explain me by themselves. Or only for right now. Or forever. Perhaps I'll explain them all next time I post.

Also to elaborate on is something Abby brought up in an email to me yesterday. About who knows you the best. I'm not sure who knows me best. Probably Cassidy, if for no other reason than because we've been best friends for so long that I don't even have to explain things to her anymore, she just gets them. And there's not much I don't tell her, and most of the stuff I don't tell her is only not told because I don't think about it. I don't volunteer a lot of information about me unless asked, but if you do ask, I will not hold much back. Or if I want you to know, or think it's important that you know, then I'll tell you. Abby asked if it was possible to share yourself equally...and I think that you can share yourself, but to say you're doing it equally is moot. Who are you sharing yourself with? And under what circumstances? And for that matter, what exactly are you sharing? I will tell the world about my last bio lecture and what I learned, but I'm only going to tell my closest friends how I really feel about having a chronic disease.

But it's time to wake up Geoff, and I have to fill in the weekend happenings still, so more later.

Hope It's Alesheia, It's Alesheia, We Hope It's Alesheia...

Good day. I slept until 2:45, went to Cassidy's, made some posters, went to Geoff's in Lansing. Had coffee at Liv's shop, then she came over for a bit after work. When Cass and I got to Geoff's, he hadn't said that anyone would be home, but that he might be at Meijer and he'd leave the porch door unlocked for us. We had to crawl over the railing, and it was rather painful. I've always used a chair on the other side to put my foot on and there wasn't one, and I'm about 3/4 of an inch too short to be able to climb correctly. My butt hurt for at least 17 minutes.

I skipped a DVR'd Grey's Anatomy date with Opie tonight. By the time I got to his house, I think he was in bed...bad friend award goes to me.

I've had more time to think through things, plus I got to talk to Veitch today. I called him on my way to Cassidy's and asked if he needed me to make posters for Eddie and Cody (he/we always used to have posters ready for when the qualifiers and placers walk in on Monday after States). Sheila was going to later, but they're trying to get a daycare finished in the next month and they were working on that today, and I happen to be a big deal in the world of poster writing (haha), so Bob met us at the high school around 5 to steal some paint from the art room and unlock some doors for us. Cass made one for the cafeteria that said "'06 State Champs Eddie-189#, Cody-275# Good Job Boys!" with an outline of Michigan on it. I made "Congratulations Eddie 2006 State Champ "He's Kind of A Big Deal"", and "Great Job Cody State Champ '06". Veitch is coming in the morning to put them up, so I'm happy. Prior to actually starting the posters, we had one of our rare (but wonderful) heart-to-hearts. Those always make me miss Veitch. Anyway, we discussed States, and Alex & Eddie, and weighing in, and all kinds of things. Alex definitely broke in the second period. And there was one time when Eddie lost his balance and if Alex had capitalized on that, he could have put him on his back. He agreed that Alex had most definitely had a better tournament than Eddie up to that point. And he was as dumbfounded about DuPont as I was. Apparently when DuPont had been crying about his knee during his Bedes match, he'd told Veitch he wanted to injury default, and Veitch had told him that he was under no circumstances going to default, he was not going to embarass himself like that, and if he had to finish the match on one leg then that is what he was going to do. I can not believe he went on to be the champion. Sweet Jesus, that kid should be kissing the ground that Veitch, Boucher, and Alan walk on.

I really want to make a life soundtrack, but I'm having trouble settling down for a long enough time to really think about it. And I've been compiling playlists to make Josh new CD's for months, but again with the settling down. I'm going to be tired in the morning...it's after 2 right now, and I have to leave by 9...oops.

I just posted a bunch of articles I found on the Twins from the last few days. If I find any more, I'll definitely add them. And I still have to post what I now refer to as "My List Of Losers" (i.e., my picks for Champs. Damn it.)...

Prep wrestling: One weekend stands between wrestler, perfect record

By Tim Kirby For the Lansing State Journal March 11, 2006

For Lakewood senior Eddie Phillips, only one thing has ever been important: winning.

That's what made losing in last year's 171-pound Division 2 championship match so hard. He lost 12-4 to Allegan's Eric Simaz despite getting Simaz on his back at one point early.

"Being that far and losing is a real motivator," Phillips said.

Phillips returned home from Auburn Hills late that Saturday night. On Monday he began practicing again.

Aside from a few months off to play fullback and linebacker for the football team, he's been wrestling constantly since then.

"Champion is the only word he knows," Lakewood coach Bob Veitch said. "He is the best wrestler I've had in my 26 years in terms of technique and toughness."

Phillips (41-0) is one of only two unbeaten area wrestlers entering this weekend's state individual finals at The Palace. He is the No. 1 seed at 189 pounds in Division 2. The first round is today, with championship matches scheduled for 4:45 p.m. Saturday.

Next year, he will walk on the University of Michigan's wrestling team and likely redshirt, despite receiving partial offers from other schools, including Michigan State and Cleveland State.
"I like the atmosphere, and the program there is so much better," Phillips said.

Veitch is confident Phillips will end up making an impact for the Wolverines.

"He's going to be a player for them, just you wait," Veitch said. "He wants to go where there's a winning tradition. Michigan is always fighting for national championships and Big Ten championships year in and year out."

At Lakewood, Phillips was used to being on a team with winning tradition. The Vikings have won the last seven league titles and five straight district titles before losing to Eaton Rapids last month.

"We had a couple guys let us down this year," Phillips said. "It's all disappointing, but one of the things I love about wrestling is it's individual. You get out what you put in."

Phillips will go to the senior nationals March 30-April 3 in Cleveland.

"If he has a good trip there, he might get picked up by another school," Veitch said.
But as of now, Phillips will attend U-M.

"I don't really have the grades to get in without being an athlete," said Phillips who scored a 25 on his ACT. "But I could make some really good connections and I could excel in a lot of different areas."

WRESTLING: Phillips brothers set to square off in final

March 11, 2006
BY TOM LANG
FREE PRESS SPECIAL WRITER

A little more than 24 hours earlier, 896 wrestlers entered The Palace of Auburn Hills with the dream of winning a high school state title.

But after Friday night's semifinals, just 112 of those wrestlers are still alive in one of 14 weight classes in each of four divisions. The finals are today at 4:45.

A main attraction will be the last scheduled weight class of today's championships, when twin brothers Alex and Ed Phillips face each other in the ultimate sibling rivalry -- the 189-pound class of Division 2.

Living separately, each with one birth parent and attending different schools, Alex (Grand Rapids Northview) and Ed (Lake Odessa Lakewood) are a combined 88-1 this season after scoring semifinal wins over Scott Kimball of Ogemaw Heights and Alex Fleet of Lowell, respectively.

"We all saw this coming because they are both good kids," Lakewood coach Bob Veitch said. "But I'm not looking forward to this at all. I think it's sad when two brothers have to go against each other. Nobody's a winner, the whole family loses. But you have to be proud of both of them for reaching this point; they are both champions."

The Kensington Valley Conference is guaranteed a heavyweight title in Division 1, as Hartland's Nick Anurak (53-1) faces Alex Strachan (40-5) of Brighton.

"Now I'm facing my buddy," Anurak said. "We're going to bring home a title for the KVC, no matter who wins, and bring pride to our entire community. We haven't had a state champ in a long time, and the KVC has been dying for one, especially at heavyweight."

In Div. 1 at 125 pounds, Joel Trombly (59-1) of New Baltimore Anchor Bay defeated Jeff Shutich of Rockford, a title holder from 2004, winning on a two-point take down with three seconds left. In the final, Trombly faces defending 119-pound champ Chad Vallone (46-2) of Utica Eisenhower, who defeated Jon Thomas of Troy, 6-2. Vallone's two losses have come against Trombly.

Two undefeated state champs faced off in the Div. 1 152-pound semi -- Ben Bennett of Rockford (140 last year) and Sean Dong of Novi Catholic Central (135). The match was scoreless until the closing seconds of the final period when Dong got Bennett in a cradle and scored two points.
Dong (51-0) faces Anthony Mistretta (59-0) of Warren Cousino in today's final.

And Davison's Jon Reader goes for his third consecutive state championship, wrestling in Division 1 at 160 pounds after winning at 135 as a sophomore and at 152 last year.

Northview's Phillips goes for regional wrestling title

Thursday, February 23, 2006
By Jeff ChaneyThe Grand Rapids Press

Alex Phillips is not winded this year, and that may spell trouble for any potential foes in the state tournament.

Last year, as a junior for the Northview wrestling team, Phillips came in midway through the season after transferring from Lakewood High School.

He still was able to take third in the state at 189 pounds in Division 2. This year it has been a full season, and Phillips is 38-1 after winning the district title at 189 pounds at Saturday's competition at Northview.

He beat Lowell's Alex Fleet 8-6.

"Last year I didn't have my wind up as much as this year because I didn't wrestle a full season," Phillips said. "This year, going a full season will help me."

"I have seen him wrestle better," Northview coach B.J. Schroder said of Phillips' championship match.

"I thought he dominated up until the finals, but he didn't have his best championship match. Alex knew that, but sometimes a match like that helps."

Phillips now will try and win a regional title Saturday at Reeths-Puffer High School.

If he gets through that tournament, it is off to the state finals March 9-11 at The Palace of Auburn Hills.

Phillips knows there are many more tough matches to get through if he wants to win a state title.

And one could come against his twin brother Eddie Phillips, who still wrestles for Lakewood.

The two will not meet until the state finals, and may not meet until the championship match.

That will be determined when the Michigan High School Athletic Association pairs the field.
Alex Phillips does not want to look that far ahead.

"I think it will be a good match, but I don't want to say anything about it," Alex Phillips said.
"I am looking forward to it, but not looking forward to it. We have both worked hard for a state championship, and if we meet one won't get a state championship."

Last year Eddie Phillips took second in the 171-pound weight class in Division 2.

"That will be a huge match," Schroder said. "We don't ever know if there has ever been twins in the finals. But we are not looking ahead, we want to take it a match at a time.

"We know that if you look to far ahead you might not get there and Alex knows that. We have two steps down, a conference and a district championship."

Next step is Saturday.

"I feel pretty good," Alex Phillips said. "I'm looking forward to going down to state."

Prep wrestling: Lakewood's Eddie wins sibling rivalry

Senior beats his twin brother for a state title
By Tim Kirby For the Lansing State Journal

AUBURN HILLS - Hollywood could not have written a better script.

Twin brothers Eddie Phillips of Lakewood and Alex Phillips of Grand Rapids Northview met in the final match of the day at Saturday's individual state wrestling finals at The Palace of Auburn Hills.

Eddie won, 8-3.

The two brothers, who live with separate parents after a divorce, both attended Lakewood until 2004 when Alex chose to move with his father.

No brothers ever had faced each other in the finals of the individual state tournament in Michigan High School Athletic Association history.

"It's always nerve-wracking here," said Eddie Phillips, a senior. "But to be in the last match of the day made it even more so."

The brothers have not spoken since their parents separated.

"We actually walked in together in the Grand March," Phillips said. "It was like 'Oh, we gotta wrestle today.' "

Lakewood coach Bob Veitch was impressed at how Phillips dealt with the complex situation.

"He stayed very composed but that's just part of being a champion," Veitch said. "But with that being the last match of the day, my gosh, 99.9 percent of kids couldn't handle that."

Veitch said he also respected how Alex handled the situation.

"He's still part of our program; he'll always be a Viking," Veitch said. "(It was) a no-win situation but they're both winners. Eddie just happened to win today."

With the win, Phillips (45-0) completed the area's lone perfect season.

Phillips' teammate, senior heavyweight Cody DuPont (38-4), also claimed a state title with a 2-1 overtime win over Joe Rizgallah of Allegan. DuPont almost did not even qualify for the state tournament; he finished fourth at districts.

"I was very upset and angry with myself," DuPont said of his district performance. "I told myself, 'I need to finish first or second at regionals' and I did that. Then I told myself, 'I need to win a state title now,' and I did that, too."

It was the first time in Lakewood history that two wrestlers won a state title in the same year.
In a Division 3 match, senior Brad Simmons (40-1) of Williamston won his first state title with a 1-0 victory over Mike Leonard of Richmond in a 135-pound match. Simmons was awarded the only point of the match with a stalling penalty with 10 seconds remaining. After Simmons won, the crowd began to boo.

"Whatever, I don't care. I'm not here for them," Simmons said. "Just because my brothers were good, people don't like me. I'm just so relieved right now. I would have liked to win under different circumstances, but I felt like I was the one creating more action."

Simmons' brothers, Andy and Nick, each won four state titles at Williamston.

"It doesn't matter," Williamston coach Jim Mooney said of the crowd. "People don't even know how hard his road has been."

Mason freshman Craig Eifert (53-3) won the 103-pound title with a victory over Dexter's Bret Marsh.

"It's great," Eifert said. "This is the best I've ever felt in my whole life."

Freshman Dan Osterman (55-4) of Carson City-Crystal won a state crown at 103 pounds with a 12-8 win over Devin Hayward of Marlette in a Division 4 match.

Eaton Rapids sophomore Josh Dormer (40-3) lost out on his bid to repeat as state champion when he lost by pin at 4:43 to Blair Mellish of North Branch at 119 pounds in a Division 2 match.

"I missed two weeks at the beginning of the year because of my grades and missed some practice time," said Dormer, who won the title last year at 103 pounds. "(The season) could have been better. I just need to work as hard as I can and come back next year."

Senior Todd Barton (53-2) of St. Louis lost 10-9 to Springport's Nathan Gonzalez in a 135-pound match at Division 4.

Sophomore Nathan Beyer of Haslett also finished second when he was pinned by Matt Armock of Sparta at 3:27 in a 140-pound, Division 2 match. Beyer, a transfer from Fowlerville, defeated former teammate Jimmy Lee 10-6 in the semifinals.

"It was kinda weird. You want to win but at the same time, you don't want to go against your friend," Beyer said of the semifinal match. "I'm hoping next year I can win it all."

Senior Jeremiah Craft (44-10) of Mason lost 22-7 in his rematch with Allegan's Cameron Simaz at 160 pounds. Simaz pinned Craft at last week's team state finals.

"I tried going into the match differently," Craft said. "I studied film and had a different plan, but it didn't go as planned."

Mason coach Brian Martel was named Division 2 Coach of the Year. The Bulldogs won the Division 2 team state title last weekend for the third time in four years.

Division 1
Area placers
103--4. Schafer (Grand Ledge) 112--7. Ankey (Holt) 135--8. Maynard (Hl) 140--5. Shaw (Hl) 160--5. Wright (GL).

Division 2
Area placers
103--1. Eifert (Mason) 119--2. Dormer (Eaton Rapids) 3. Rozeboom (M) 125--8. Mead (Fowlerville) 135--8. Herrera (M) 140--2. Beyer (Haslett), 4. Lee (F), 6. Bell (ER) 160--2. Craft (M), 3. Burge (M) 171--3. Dickenson (St. Johns), 8. Tyle (F) 189--1. Phillips (Lakewood), 7. Geldhof (Ionia) Hwt--1. DuPont (L), 4. Pettigrew (SJ), 6. Bedes (M), 8. Shattuck (I)

Division 3
Area placers
125--7. Peterman (Alma) 135--1. Simmons (Williamston), 3. Booth (Perry) 140--5. Sandborn (Portland) 171--7. Temple (Pe) 189--4. Fedewa (Ovid-Elsie)

Division 4
Area placers
103--1. Osterman (Carson City-Crystal) 112--3. Ewalt (Carson City) 119--5. Hofmann (Ithaca) 125--4. Greening (SL) 130--5. Huntoon (I) 135--2. Barton (St. Louis), 8. Dunn (Leslie) 140--5. Goulette (SL) 152--6. Graham (I) 160--4. Eyer (SL) 171--3. Wetoskey (L), 4. Bloom (Webberville) 189--8. Bovee (I) Hwt--8. Castillo (I)

Twins must face each other for title

Saturday, March 11, 2006
By Jeff ChaneyThe Grand Rapids Press

AUBURN HILLS -- It was time to double their pleasure at the Michigan High School Athletic Association individual state finals Friday night.

Two sets of twins headlined 30 area wrestlers who tried to work their way to today's finals during Friday's semifinals at The Palace.

Northview's Alex Phillips and Lakewood's Eddie Phillips will meet for a state title this evening at 189 pounds in Division 2.

Alex Phillips, who lives with his father in Grand Rapids, beat Ogemaw Heights' Scott Kimball, 18-9, while Eddie Phillips, who lives with his mother in Lakewood, beat Lowell's Alex Fleet 9-2.

According to the MHSAA, it will be the first time in state history that brothers will be wrestling for a championship, let alone twin brothers from different schools.

Alex Phillips can't wait for today's finals to start at 4 p.m.

"I think it will be fun," said Alex Phillips, whose record is 44-1. "We are both good sports, so nothing will turn out bad. I'm just looking forward to it."

Lakewood coach Bob Veitch, who coached both wrestlers before Alex transferred, isn't looking forward to the match.

"You have two good kids that have been wrestling since they were 6 years old," Veitch said. "I'm not looking forward to this. It is sad that two brothers have to go for it, because somebody has to lose."

Someone had to win battle of twins

Sunday, March 12, 2006
By Jeff ChaneyThe Grand Rapids Press

AUBURN HILLS -- Eddie Phillips admitted that it was the toughest match he ever wrestled.
Not just because the Lakewood High School senior was wrestling for his first state title, the 189-pound championship in Division 2 at The Palace Saturday, but also because his competition was against his twin brother Alex Phillips.

According to the Michigan High School Athletic Association, it was the first time two brothers wrestled for the title. Eddie Phillips beat Northview's Alex Phillips 8-3.

"It was a tough match," said Eddie Phillips, who finishes his senior year with a perfect 45-0 record. "We have wrestled with each other since we were little. We made each other."
But that was only in practice.

"Our parents never let us wrestle competitively, so that was really the first time," said Eddie Phillips, who was joined as champion by teammate Cody Dupont, who won the title at 275.
"We both knew each other's style, and that made it tough. The best way to scout someone is to wrestle them for half of your life."

A distraught Alex Phillips saw his senior record end at 44-2.

"It was more tough mentally than I thought," Alex Phillips said.

The Phillips' brothers weren't the only area wrestlers making noise this weekend in Auburn Hills.

The Rockford wrestling team sent 11 wrestlers to the state finals, and 11 came home with medals, including two state champions.

"Just another time, I hold my tears, for another year, on my way back home..."

I'm not even sure what to say right now...so I'm just going to start talking about this weekend, and hope that everything gets said.

LeeAnn, Abby and I were the lone troopers to Individual States this year. We're pretty much hard core/a big deal/amazing/obsessed with Veitch. Anyway, after my car locked itself with the keys still in it and Kallen bailing me out, Abby and I departed for LeeAnn's, which then led to a Beaner's stop, and a bathroom break with Subway somewhere on I-75, and we finally pulled into the Palace of Auburn Hills about 2pm. Bought tickets, good seats, caught the entire Grand March (for possibly the first time ever), and saw the first round of wrestling. I don't remember anything particularily exciting happening, it was just long because each weight class has 8 matches in that round, so it went from 3-10pm. Helbig lost which was a downer because I had him in for my 145lb. champ, but I just tell myself that he was heartbroken by Levi not being there. The Twins both taughts some novices how to wrestle, and the night was good. After turning around no less than 13 times en-route to our hotel and finally checking in, we then drove to Royal Oak where we caught the last minutes of some mexican places kitchen being open and we met Josh's friends Justin and Nate (Nate Shattuck, who I'd seen around back in the days of high school). Originally, we were going to have dinner with them, go back to the hotel and call it a night, but we didn't really have to be there at 8am since the Twins and DuPont both won, so instead we went to Josh's and drank beer/tequila/wine for awhile. Back to hotel. Sleep.

Friday: Got there around 11:15, right as the championship quarterfinals were starting, and just after Helbig lost a second time to not place at states. Cody Rize, Josh's Livonia kid, also lost to not place, so that was disappointing. I never did see him wrestle. (I did see one match on Thursday night, but he looked pathetic, which is atypical.) Wins from DuPont and the Twins again (Eddie beat Marty Geldhof (Ionia) 7-1 and I told Josh the only reason he let it go 6 minutes was because he needed to cut weight), so we cut out early because the last part of that session is consolation semifinals, and we were all really tired and didn't really have anybody we wanted to watch. Bought posterboard, back to hotel, naptime for an hour. Back to the Palace where we watched the championship semifinals (the round that gets the guys into the finals). DuPont beat Bedes (Mason) on a shady takedown at the end of the 3rd to tie it up, and took him down in OT. It was crazy. At 160 Mason had double weighed in Burge and Craft and they met in that round. Craft sucks, but won, and we all felt sad for Burge because he's really good and kinda got screwed for the entirety of the "playoff season". At some point he was bumped up to 189 for a match(for the team), and the coaches must have overlooked the fact that he was no longer going to be eligible to wrestle 152 (there are a lot of regulations when it comes to acceptable weights), and had to go 160 from then on. Not that speculation means anything, but honestly Burge could have won 152 - there wasn't anyone in that bracket! Aaron Hynes (Flint Kearsley) lost to Blake Birmingham (Lakeview) in the finals and the Szuch kid from Airport who is decent took 3rd. The Twins both won, Eddie beating Alex Fleet (Lowell) who is terrible, and who's family was sitting immediately behind us. Anyway, after that got over (at 10) we went back to Josh's where Stephanie met us there and we drank all kinds of concoctions. There was PBR (and beer pong), Everclear, vanilla Smirnoff, Stoli Oranj, Burnett's Mango (that was us, haha), 1800 Reposado, grenadine, peach Schnapps...good times. Abby went to see Alex, and when she got back she and LeeAnn went back to the hotel and left Stephanie and I there. We stole John's bed. At 5am.

Saturday - Woke up at 10:45 to a text from LeeAnn asking where I was/if we were OK. Steph took me back to the hotel where I proclaimed my woke-up-drunk hair too good looking to justify washing it, changed clothes and checked out. We made it to the 4th session in time for the final 3rd-8th medaling matches. We killed time in between by going to Red Robin in Troy before hitting up the finals in time for the Grand March. I had bought tickets for Abby's parents, Alan, and Stephanie before we'd left for Red Robin and promptly forgot to get money from any of them (except Alan, but he needed an ATM so he still owes me), and by the time Steph got there, she didn't even need a ticket. So that was a solid $40 that I'm probably not going to see again, haha. I crafted posters for Eddie and Alex while we waited/during the first few matches (using my twistable crayons!!) that turned out rather nicely for the conditions and circumstances. Alex's was red, black, white and a yellow-orange, and I put "SMOKIN'" on there with flames coming off of it. Then I wrote "He CAN touch M.C. Hammer", and "You're okwithme". ("okwithme" is his psychotic mothers mlive name, and she posts things all the time! She's ridiculous!) Eddie's used gray (which only showed up if you were right next to it), indigo, and blue, and had blue flames coming off the bottom with "PHILLIPS" coming out of them, "Eddie" across the top in script, and on either side of his name I wrote "He doesn't sleep... ...he waits". (That and the M.C. Hammer one for Alex were stolen from Chuck Norris jokes that are precalent amongst the college kids.) A few minutes after I finished Eddie's, this woman came by and was telling me how much she liked them and how talented I was and asking if they were my brothers. She was nice. I like compliments on things like artsiness and music. Aaaaanyway, not really anything that I'm noting right now that blew my mind in the finals (except that DuPont won, but it blew my mind that he was even placing so I kind of felt like anything could happen)(and we got to see the 2nd Saturday Night Ride of the weekend, but that could have been in the consolation finals), but after a lot of heartbeats and a bout of fatigue around 140#, the Twins were up.

In all honesty, Alex wrestled like crap. He didn't try to do anything but try to throw a headlock and it never worked but he wasn't trying anything else. He just looked beat the entire match. Eddie won 8-3, and they got a standing ovation from the Palace full of people who have no idea what those boys have to go through and nobody having any concept of what they could have possibly been thinking or feeling. I'm not even trying to say that I have any insight into it except that we kind of know surface things that Veitch has shared, or that Alex told Abby. Afterwards we found them for congratulations (Abby didn't get to talk to Alex and she was justifiably really upset about it), gave them their posters and went to have milkshakes with Steph before we went home (we were giving Alan a ride back to his dorm). Trying to find Steph's car, we stumbled upon Veitch & Co., and Eddie definitely humped my previously unnamed car, no called "Edwin Forrest" - "Eddie" for short. Went to Steak'N'Shake, drove Alan back to campus, dropped off LeeAnn, took Abby home, and now I'm here. Thinking about the Twins and this weekend and that whole mess. And just sitting here being in a weird place.

I'm updating my facebook but will have to do it more tomorrow because it's not how I want it yet. I want pictures from this weekend but I didn't bring a camera, and Abby and LeeAnn both had theirs but I'm not sure how many pictures were involved. I immediately regret not having taken more of the 3 of us...we had a good time, and it would be amazing to have documented being there together. I have a feeling that things are only going to be different now. I don't know. It's my weirdness tonight maybe? The whole tournament just had an oddness about it this year. It was remarkably unremarkable. And we had 2 champs, something that has never happened before, and I was like...yeah...that's cool. Because both of them were tainted almost. Which sucks for Eddie and Cody because it's not their fault! Cody is a really nice kid with the best intentions, his parents are just indescribably obnoxious, and so he's gotten some of that and his socially inept to boot. And Eddie has worked his ass off for 13 years to get this; what shittiness made him have to wrestle his twin brother in the finals, who he is in essence estranged from? And Alex...I don't know what to think. It's such a weird, complicated situation with he and Abby. I think I understand it, I think Abby and I have discussed it enough and I can understand people well enough that I can comprehend the whole thing. I just can't make sense of it.

In drunkness on Friday, Stephanie said she was talking about me with Josh, and he said that "he likes being liked". Which is fine, great, acceptable, etc. Here's where I turn into a girl: I don't want to be just another girl that likes him. As I told Opie, I don't need to be The Girl, but I'm not going to settle for being just A Girl either. And I don't think I am, but there's always that nagging in my dome...

Anyway, more later. I got smoked in our Champ Competition and I'll have to post that. But it's bed time. Long weekend. Stressed. Weird Place.

*Songs*
"Left Coast Envy" - The Starting Line
"All At Once" - The Fray

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...

The Fray...amazing.

I had a number of things I wished to discuss last night when I was contemplating blogging, and now I don't remember them.

I woke up yesterday to a text message from Josh: "Fill out your brackets. All divisions. Whoever guesses the most state champs gets dinner from the loser. Sound like a plan?" Bring it on, I replied. I'm about to smoke this guy straight out of the water, haha. **Note: I know DII. He knows pretty much every one of them. This could be interesting...

I miss Abby and I can not wait until she is home. I have made good money last night and the night before, and have made up for my weekend coat purchase - bonus points for me! I'm off to the bank in a minute to check on the status of my return refund, and to add last nights winning to the ol' account, and then I'm off to the Griffins game with Nick. I'm very excited to hang out with him, as it's been awhile and I miss him. More later!