...seven days...

I'm listening to an amazing new band right now - Jack's Mannequin. I've seen rumor of these guys for awhile but never looked into them, and right now I'm liking it a LOT. It's late and I'm tired and need to go to bed, too.

Again, not feeling the blogging. But I never really filled in this weekend so I feel like I should do that. I like hanging out with Lauren, though Cassidy didn't talk to her much. And I didn't think anything was weird at the time, but afterwards I thought...man, I wish they would have talked more. I asked Cass Saturday night what she thought of Lauren and she just said "eh, she's all right". I don't know why she just thinks she's all right, and I haven't really had the chance to ask her since then. Lauren did hook up with one of Josh's roommates, but I hope that Cass doesn't think she's a ho or something now, because she's really cool...in any case, I'm still a little irked (and by "a little", I mean "a lot") because I just want to know. One part of me thinks...he's a really good friend and I love being around him and talking to him, and it's been a long time since I've felt that instantly comfortable around someone. So just go with it like it is. But then the other part of me, the one that likes him and wants to win him, thinks...what the hell is wrong with that girl? I want to rat her out and be like, "this is what she's telling people!" Except not really like that, because I don't really give a shit what she tells people. Because she's definitely the one that's going to sound like a jackass if she's making crazy statements. I think I'm worried that she's not totally lying and that my chance of being anything to him ever just went down 67%. And I hate that feeling of loss. Rejection. Whatever. But like I said...I'm his friend. We're pretty good friends considering how little we really know about each other, and how long our lines of communication have been open. That's something I need to work on with him, is getting to know each other better. Because every time I really get to thinking about it, we don't know much of anything about each other. Not really about each other.

Whenever I think about talking to someone about something, I run through scenarios in my head. And they always go over pretty smoothly, I always say the right things, blah blah blah. But when it comes time to say exactly what it is I was intending, I always choke because I fear that it's going to be the wrong thing. And/or upset them. Or something. I'm thinking about this because of what I was just talking about, with trying to get to know Josh. One day when it's just he and I hanging out (when I take him to dinner or when I'm at his place sometime or something), I want to just start asking him questions. And just tell him, hey I don't know much about you and I was thinking that I want to know this this and this, and just go with it. But whenever I think about doing that, I think...what if he's like...um...weird? And how else would I go about getting that information? Because I almost feel like we're at a point now where we should know things about each other that we don't. And at least for me, it's almost uncomfortable that we don't. Like about his family. I don't know much about it. I know he's got a sister (stepsister?) that lives in Colorado and has a baby that is fairly new. His parents are divorced, I think his mom is remarried, and I think he might have been raised by the stepdad. He's got a huge extended family, of whom he doesn't see often. However, when I think about what he knows about me...he knows I have a brother that I love more than anything in the world. I don't know if he knows I have 2 other brothers. He knows my dad is an alcoholic (which I think I've only ever said aloud to him, but he has no way of knowing that is a big deal for me), but that he still works and has insurance. I don't know what else I've told him. I don't know what to think.

Guster is in one week! Liv called me to tell me that the radio said whoever brings the most food (based on poundage) gets 2 backstage passes to meet the band. Unfortunately she and I are not going together, but we really want to bring the most food and meet the Gusters!!! It would be a dream come true, and we have no idea how much food is going to win us the passes. Not to mention that she and I are two impressive procrastinators...

I updated both facebook and myspace today, and I'm feeling rather accomplished. Though I want to learn how to do more html so that I can jazz up myspace and make it cool.

I haven't told my parents that I'm moving out in May yet. Today they came back from Hastings to say that they'd bought 2 new mattress sets for Kallen and Abe. Mom got it in her head that I was mad I didn't get a new mattress, which is pure silliness because I don't. I have a bed, and though I do want t new one, I know what I want, and I want to pick out the mattress. Anyway, I was a little irritated because though they got a good deal, they still spent $300. Which they don't have. And I'm not sure who they expect to fund their beer and whatever else they want to buy between checks (they're both on optional layoff right now and are getting unemployment, but only every 2 weeks). Because they currently owe me $55 from these last 2 weeks, and I'm still waiting on the $180 from this summer because that's a lot of money, and it irritates me. Not to mention I've got a lot of money I need to spend on things and I'm doing stupid things like moving out in May. I owe the state of Michigan $500 (which I need to call about tomorrow before big problems begin) for my last installment of the responsible driver fee, I owe GRCC a nonspecific amount because I have to call them first, though I'm sure it's somewhere in the ballpark of $700, my fees to the Grand Rapids Public Library go up every day because I still haven't taken my 4 books back and they're 3 weeks late at least. I owe the Village of Lake Odessa a minimum of $8 in unpaid parking tickets. My car payment is due next Friday which I have most of the money for right now and will have by this weekend, but I'm also going to 3 concerts next week, one of which I owe Karen for the ticket still. And I'll want money for shirts, food, etc. Probably CD's. And there will be some type of security deposit that I will need to pay at some point for the place, but Karen didn't know yet how much. Nor do we know when I will need to pay it. And I'm not sure when I'll have to pay the first bout of rent. But that means that I will have to save everything I make from now til then which doesn't sound that bad, but I'm bad at saving.

I'm going to try and get up tomorrow to look for job #deuce. I'm thinking Kava House in Kentwood. Liv said she would give me a good reference, and I'll talk to Amanda and see if she will too. I've met George before. And I would like to be a barista. Not going to lie though, I'm not excited about having to train somewhere new...I always hate training. But this might be fun. It's in a good area, it's a decent hourly, and it's literally down the street from where Ben and Cortni are moving to this weekend. So I might actually get to see them sometimes. I just like money more than I should. And like the thought of working in a coffee house. But I've gotten myself pretty psyched for this Kava job just in the last few hours I've been thinking about it, so I'm worried that it's not going to work out for me, and I'll be sad. We'll see.

For someone who was not feeling her blog tonight, I've pumped a lot out. But I've got to burn this CD of Jack's Mannequin and go take a shot and go to bed. Guster (and Matt and Ben and Cass and potentially Tye and Josh) in 7 Days!!