I think it's done...

The Academy Is... - Attention
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Plain White T's - All That We Needed
Semisonic - Secret Smile
Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down (from the For You to Notice EP)
Copeland - Coffee (acoustic)
Jason Mraz - Clockwatching
Dave Matthews Band - Crush
Guster - Careful
Howie Day - Buzzing
The All-American Rejects - I'm Waiting
Hot Hot Heat - Middle of Nowhere
Bloc Party - This Modern Love
Cute Is What We Aim For - Risque
Motion City Soundtrack - Make Out Kids
Britney Spears - Toxic
Cartel - Honestly
Ronnie Day - Falling For You
The Flys - Got You Where I Want You

Thing is, it insinuates much stronger feelings than I have. Sometimes when I think about it I figure it's OK because he'll take it as the semi-joke that it is. Other times I feel like he'll be like...whoa. So I might just have to preface this with "P.S., don't take it too seriously. It will be OK; I always worry too much.

I did dishes for 3 hours tonight after I got cut. It was good, though. I didn't have anything else to do, they needed it, and I like being back there by myself. It's kind of soothing/relaxing. Plus I've discovered how to make delicious coffee drinks and I was a little wired. For a little while there, I didn't even feel that shitty, which had been the case most of the day.

I woke up with a bit of a headache and feeling a bit flu-ish. I wonder if my medicine got messed up by how hot its been getting in my car. And I wonder if that's why I've been feeling so gross lately. I just don't know; since I've never taken my medicine through this change-of-seasons-exaserbation-business, I don't know if it's just normal medicine effects paired with that, or if somethings funny with the medicine. Ugh. I think about these questions a lot. I feel like I can't voice them to people anymore; they're over hearing about MS. It's funny being on the other side of that coin - the side that never gets to forget about something. It was almost 3 years ago that I was diagnosed, and I remember thinking within 6 months that all of my friends were kind of over it. Which is fine, they shouldn't have to worry about it you know? But here I am, 3 years later, and now I just feel like I'm an inconvenience to people around me, and I feel like I'm talking about shit nobody wants to hear about.

On that note a bit, I have thought a lot tonight (during my solitary dish confinement) about how aloof and alone I have been lately. This came up when I was starting to do dishes and I thought, "I'd might as well; I don't have any other plans tonight". And when I was thinking of who I could have called to do something, I realized that nobody crossed my mind. The Lake O Kids are all...in Lake O. And I don't really randomly call work people. I figured that I would do something with Andy when he got out, but forgot he had to work in the morning until awhile later. I already knew that Liv was out of commission because she has to be somewhere kind of early tomorrow. ...and other than that...Ben was at work. Andrea and Carly are out of town. That sums up my list of people I might spend time outside of work with.

I was telling Jake tonight that I try to maintain a relatively large degree of emotion unattatchment with most people. And I wasn't lying. The emptiness in my gut hurts me a little though.