You know you're a 90's Kid if...

You know you're a 90's kid if...
-You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
-You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"
-You wore skorts and felt stylish.
-You yearned to be a part of the Babysitter's Club.
-You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop
-You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
-You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
-You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs
-You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
-You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten
-You remember reading "Goosebumps"
-You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
-You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
-You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
-You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
-You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
-You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
-You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
-You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
-You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide
-You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
-"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back..."
-You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
-You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"
-You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"
-You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
-You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
-You played and or collected "Pogs"
-You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger
-You owned a Skip It
-You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
-You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and NINJA TURTLES
-All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)
-Yikes pencils and erasers were the shit.
-You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out
-You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
-You remember a time before the WB.
-You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
-You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.
-You know the Macarena by heart..
-"Talk to the hand" ... enough said
-You thought Brain would finally take over the world
-You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!" :)

I'm honest as a photobooth...

Gotta make this quick, 'cause I'm working Ariana's door shift in the morning...

-Andy is more fun everytime I see him, but I'm already being set-up to have another girlfriend hate me.

-Justin still loves me. I was getting worried that he didn't anymore.

-I miss the Lake O kids more everyday.

-Went to Cleveland with Josh on Saturday for a Ronnie Day show, and it's the most fun I've had in several months. I heart him.

-Orlando in one week, and I think I'm to the point where I don't even care what I don't pay before I go. I just HAVE to make money while I'm down there.

-The idea of driving back alone appeals to me more everyday, but we don't want to drive down there with just the two of us because gas will be expensive. I also don't want to make people (persons) fly back just because I want to stay longer. But I need to make stupid-good money also.

-I'm still confused, still trying to formulate a Life Soundtrack, and still working on that CD for Andy.

Maybe Superman tomorrow between shifts? This is going to be a long week...

Stop saying goodbye...

I've been cranky for a long, long time it seems like at work. Today was definitely not an exception, and not special. There was no section 5 scheduled, and I was in 6, but I was in 6 because that's the section I like. I walked up to a little pow-wow amongst the management on duty a bit after I got there, and overheard the plan to throw me into 5, and put one of the other servers into 6. So I turned around and stated "I'm not going into 5. I'll let DJ (the server who was their replacement) get cut first, but I want 6's tables." 3 blank stares in my direction, and Brooke says "Thanks for helping us out", her voice dripping with sarcasm.

...Number one, I have zero - possibly even negative - reasons to help that place out. So fuck that dump.

...Number two, how is that not helping? They were still getting their necessary section 5, DJ was still going to get cut first, and I was still going to get the tables I wanted.

...Number three, I don't have to give up my section because they were the collective dumbasses who failed to schedule a section 5.

Wait an hour and a half or so. I'm at the dish tank, turn around to wash my hands and Brooke is there washing her hands at the sink, so I pump foam into my hands and she promptly splashes water on me, probably in an effort to make me smile. Though it didn't bother me nor did it upset me, I wasn't in the mood for jesting so I walked to a different sink to finish cleansing my hands. She says, "I was just messing with you, don't be mad." Well I certainly won't be mad, I wasn't in the first place. I'm just not smiling.

Fast-forward maybe a half hour, Steven asks what's wrong. Nothing. It has very little to specifically do with that place, aside from the annoyance of earlier that has since been resolved (with me still in 6, after DJ volunteered to go into 5, and I'm sure Brooke's pointed "Thanks for helping us out, DJ", 3 feet from my face, made Brooke feel better). "Are you in a bad mood?" Yes. "How come?" Not sure.

Time to cash out around 10 o'clock. I ask Steven to cash me out, he says Brooke is in the office, but if she's not, he will. I get back there, no Brooke, so I swipe into the office and proceed to cash myself out as I do more than half the time I work. Right at the end of my cashing out, Brooke comes in and asks what I'm doing...because apparently my typing things into Excel, with my financial sitting in front of me isn't obvious enough. I'm cashing out. Oh, did Steven give you his keys? No, I broke in with my swipe. Did anybody know you were back here? I told Steven I was going to cash out, he said you were back here, you weren't, so I did it myself. Enter into the office Steven Green, and enter into my life The Intervention. "What's with your attitude today?" ...oh, the Corporate Attitude. You're not acting like you usually do. Something's wrong, and you have an attitude problem. I don't like your attitude. You can be replaced you know. Yup, and so can this job. Until the last couple of hours, what was wrong had very little to do with specifically Friday's. "I didn't think I had an attitude, but I apologize if you thought I did." Ah yes, here's where she brings up her displeasure with my saying I wasn't going to go into section 5. I've been waiting for that. I didn't want to help them out ...again, tell me why I'm supposed to? And I had offered to do everything as they wanted except take section 5's tables. How is that not helping out? Instantly, the tone went from "what is wrong?" to "you're doing something wrong". What jazzes me about it is that she's just like me. I ask a question, and when I don't get the response I want, I instantly turn shitty and mean. And try to intimidate whoever I'm talking to. It usually works. However, when you're trying to use it against someone who uses it herself, you're out of luck. And most people don't have alternative methods. Peace out.

Off to Lake O, to see the friends I need to be around so desperately to try and break this funk.

Roger Federer...

This man is perfection.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Alesheia Rose Hake
Birthday:	May 23, 1985
Birthplace:	Sparrow Hospital, Lansing, Michigan
Current Location:	Grand Rapids, Michigan
Eye Color:	On the green side of hazel.
Hair Color:	A good brown.
Height:	5'9"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right for the most part.
Your Heritage:	A melting pot - German, Irish, Polish for the most part.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Old Navy black flip-flops; Shoes For Crews "Jazz".
Your Weakness:	Forearms. And guy that can sing...
Your Fears:	Not being able to walk anymore.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Pepperoni, bacon, mushrooms. Parmesan cheese.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Sometimes I think I've stopped setting goals...
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"LOL"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"Water."
Your Best Physical Feature:	My hands. They can do anything, and they will earn me a lot of money someday.
Your Bedtime:	Usually between 3:30am-7am. Depends how early I have to be back to work.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Being with the Lake O kids every night, doing what I thought was nothing in particular, but now I realize it was everything at once.
Pepsi or Coke:	COKE.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonalds.
Single or Group Dates:	Single.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Tazo.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	White chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee:	COFFEE.
Do you Smoke:	No, but I work in a bar so my lungs are almost as black.
Do you Swear:	All the fuckin' time.
Do you Sing:	Usually in the car.
Do you Shower Daily:	Pretty much.
Have you Been in Love:	Probably not.
Do you want to go to College:	Sure do.
Do you want to get Married:	Maybe after I get my Nobel Prize.
Do you belive in yourself:	Not as much anymore.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No.
Do you think you are Attractive:	No.
Are you a Health Freak:	I know a lot about it.
Do you get along with your Parents:	Generally.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love them.
Do you play an Instrument:	Many.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	I just laughed aloud.
In the past month have you Smoked:
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Betaseron, Interferon 1-b. I'm getting my injection ready right now.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Would you consider it that?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Yes.
Ever been Drunk:	2 nights ago.
Ever been called a Tease:	I hope he was kidding.
Ever been Beaten up:	Jeff and Geoff have shoved me on the ground before.
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes.
How do you want to Die:	Successfully. Or should I say, having been successful.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Neurosurgeon & neurologist.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy, Germany, Switzerland, England.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Soul-bearing.
Favourite Hair Color:	Naturally occuring on humans.
Short or Long Hair:	A cut that looks good. I find myself attracted to all kinds of crazy hippies.
Height:	Over 6'0".
Weight:	Athletic.
Best Clothing Style:	Casual, yet put-together. ExpressMen is always a good choice. I like Gap for myself.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Not sure, though all have been legal.
Number of CDs I own:	Over 200 real ones. Over 550 burned.
Number of Piercings:	One in each ear.
Number of Tattoos:	None, but I've thought about a little one on my foot.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	3-5, if I really think about it. I try not to do things I regret, or spend my life regretting what's already happened.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

How to save a life...

It's been awhile since I've posted a real, substantial post. A lot has been happening since then, but at the same time...life is still stagnant. I still don't know what I'm doing this fall, I still don't realize what real responsibility is, I still am here, doing nothing, being the same and hating myself for it. And using horrible punctuation and grammar. I just switched the song to "Back At One" by Brian McKnight. Since I've been feeling very sentimental the last couple of weeks, and most especially right now, this song reminds me of 2 things that are kind of the same. It reminds me of Eric Colby because he had this CD right as the song was a single, and that was when Ben was hanging out with him a lot, and so we heard it in the van a lot. And Cheez used to sing it, and his voice was...what dreams were made out of. The song also reminds me of Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp that summer, 2000. I had it on a CD (that Cheez made), and we used to listen to it every day. Less Than Jake's "History of A Boring Town" was also on the CD. My cabin counselor had the pink Barbie with the inflatable chair, and on middle Sunday I went to Ludington with my mom and dad, and they bought me the blue Barbie with the inflatable chair so that we all matched. We ate lunch at the original House of Flavors. They were having marriage troubles but I didn't really realize it at the time. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't think much of it. I don't remember which song we performed for middle Sunday. But that was the summer we played Ticheli's "Shenendoah" (which will be played at my funeral), and Curnow's "Where Never Lark Nor Eagle Flew". I love music. I love band music. I miss band. I miss being a part of something that was so powerful, and being around people that really cared about one another. And missed you when you weren't around. And that I looked forward to seeing every day. I have a good time with the people I work with, but I go in every day not really caring if I see most of them, and when I'm not around them, I don't usually miss it. Some of them, yes. I yearn constantly to be somewhere else. To be at home, to be sitting in Opie's living room with him, not talking, just staring at Drew Carey or SportsCenter, or whatever he has on. Not caring what we do. Just being with who's comfortable and that I love. When did I get to where I am right now? When did I only see my friends once every couple of weeks, or once a month? And when did I start hearing the stories from everyone else? I used to be the one telling the stories. When did I get so disgusted with everything I see around me?

I read on Zick's profile one day that he only feels 2 emotions: disgust and anger. He was joking of course, but weirdly...it struck a chord in me. Honestly I feel as though those are my 2 main emotions lately. I definitely haven't felt a great deal of happiness; you can ask anyone I work with about that. I've been in a reasonably silent rage the last few shifts. And it has nothing to do with work, really. I don't wake up and get mad because I have to go to work. I just wake up mad. Fuel's "Bad Day" is my theme song right now, I feel. That's what I do - slam the door and say "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again." But I swear there's nothing wrong, you'll hear me playing that same old song, I'll put you off...and I'll always think you won't understand.

Why do I get mad? There's no reason to be mad about anything. Nobody is doing anything to affect my life; everything that isn't going as planned is not going as planned because of my own doing. I always get this way when I feel overwhelmed, and as though I'm never going to get out of the slump. The thing is, I've ever actually gotten out of the slump that I was first in, in 2003. I've done some things that have felt like improvements, but when I break it all down, I actually just feel like I've only really added to the depth of the whole. Moving to Grandville was nice because it got me out of Lake O, and while I was there I started the job at Friday's. However, the entire year I lived there was a pile of unnecessary stress, and kind of a waste of a lot of money. Living downtown now just makes me upset. Our landlord blows. Thankfully I'm moving out at the end of the month; Karen, Thao, and Jill have another girl that wants to live with them, and I say Have Fun. I love Karen, and Jill seems cool, but Thao acts a bit bipolar, and the house is a shit hole. And I've been over House Parties since my first trip to CMU in 2001. I don't like the neighborhood. I'm never there, partly because I've got other things going on, and partly because I hate being there.

I'm leaving for Orlando on July 31st, and I can't wait. I need to get away with people who are refreshing to talk to, and who I know I can have fun with. I'm worried that I'm too optimistic about how much money we're going to make, and how much I'm coming back with. I would love to come back to Michigan with a new laptop, a digital camera, and $5000 in cash. But I feel like that's a bit unrealistic. But that's almost okay if it means that I'll get a break, and come back feeling refreshed. I need that. It's been just over 3 years since I've gone somewhere new with a great group of people. I'm too angsty to have to wait that long; I should be doing that shit every few months. I might start to now that I'm actually using this Friday's Passport thing. Who knows though.

Ben got his MCAT scores back. I told him I'd go anywhere he needs to for med school. He's my number one right now. My career can be worked on anywhere he goes, I feel. And I'll be happy anywhere with him. So we'll see where that takes me. He's got 2 semesters left with his undergrad at GVSU, and he's making other decisions for his life right now, so we'll see what happens.

I've got to get out of this place I'm in right now.