Shenanigan's...

I have not posted in a long time. I don't really feel like posting now except that I feel some type of update is essential. Concert week was a good time. The Starting Line had some sweet openers - Cartel, and Copeland. I bought one of Copeland's CD's, and downloaded the other. And downloaded Cartel's album and EP. So I'm in good shape, and loving Cartel. Also loving...

Jack's Mannequin
Anna Nalick
Mat Kearney (opened for Matt Wertz at the Hope Show, and is unbelievable)
Jamie Cullum

Some big albums coming out in the next couple weeks, also. Story of the Year has a new one coming out Tuesday (the 18th), as does Mat Kearney. And Taking Back Sunday has a new one out April 25th. I'm excited. I'll have to start checking Best Buy to see if there are any good sales!

Anyway, concert week. Thursday's Guster show was good, though not the best of the lot. It was at the MSU auditorium which is pretty much a middle school gym, so terrible sound anyway. And then their front-of-house didn't really seem to know what he was doing which sucked. I'll still see them again of course. And Cassidy and I definitely met them, so you can't go wrong there. Brian is amazing in person. A group was standing waiting to get pictures and all that, and I asked him if they were going to play Scrabble with us (because I'd emailed him the night before) and he was like, did I email you back? And I said that I didn't know, I hadn't checked, I'd just emailed them in the middle of the night, and he was like...oh, yeah..I write Scrabble emails in the middle of the night, too... That was when I fell in love even more. As if it were even possible. Pretty much Cassidy and I are a little bit stalker, and a lot frickin' amazing.

Saturday night found me with Rachael, her boyfriend John, and Ben Vander Boon at Hope College seeing Matt Wertz rock his shit. Best concert of the week I think (though Starting Line is a close second). Rach and I made shirts. They turned out really well. Had a lot of fun. When I was leaving her apartment though, it was like 4am and I had to go back in 3 times because I kept forgetting stuff. My blanket once, my phone another. The shitty thing about the phone was that it was the last thing I forgot, and I had to buzz her apartment which is loud and obnoxious and I felt badly. But I hadn't been out the door 2 minutes, so I knew it wasn't a big deal. But still. She's got surgery on May 1st so she's going to be home for 3 weeks, so I'm going to go see her (in Dowagiac) while she's recovering. Bring her movies and whatnot. Cosmo mags. Slurpees. I'm excited!

This week I've just been working a lot, to make all of the cash money I need by the end of April. Sunday night we went to the bar after work and I ended up sleeping at Karens (i.e., passing out). Nik kissed me. Weird. Wednesday night stayed at Ben's house after work, not too much bar eventfulness though. Thursday night got out a bit earlier than I planned and Jess O and I ended up spending 5 hours at Z's, kissed 2 guys we work with (we're stupid drunk kissing hoes is all), and then ended up at some East Town bar (Mulligans) that is definitely not our scene. Too many tattoos and piercings for my liking...I much prefer the chill of the West Side. Tonight Rachael and I just went for coffee and I came back because neither of us felt like drinking. Originally Geoff was supposed to come (he called me early last week to say we should go to the bar tonight), then all day I was really excited for him to come, telling everyone from work that he was coming, saying they had to meet him. And he was texting me, affirming him coming. Then an hour and a half before he was supposed to meet me, he texts me to say he doesn't feel like coming and can he raincheck. Okay Opie. So it might be tomorrow, but I'm not sure. I might not be out early enough to bar, but I left him a voicemail and said he could come sit in my section and drink if he wants to. I told LeeAnn to come, and Cass can as well. Jess said she might come in and hang out because she wants to meet Geoff. I think those two would be a fun little summer fling. Though the last 2 days have been really cool and I think she's roughly 8,370,000 times cooler than I thought she was last week, do I want her around Geoff all the time? I'll let you know. But kisses I can OK.

I've got to get home. I work tomorrow night...yikes.

GUSTER!

I've always believed in Futures...

The Starting Line was amazing! I found a new love - Copeland, one of their openers. I'm downloading Cartel, another of the openers, right now. But dang, that was a concert worth the $16. That Karen paid for. So really worth it for me. :o) And TSL put on a good show, though I wish they had a little more stage presence. It wasn't bad, what they had, but I like when they get up there and tell stories about their songs and why they wrote then, and they just never did that. Dan (Karens friend who was also there) pointed out afterwards that they'll learn that when they get to be bigger, but it's too bad that they don't just have that already, you know? Eh, love them anyway.

Guster tomorrow!! With Cass, Ben, Matt, and either Tyler or Adam (if Tyler can't get out of work). I'm 100 kinds of broke right now, so we'll see how that works out. Not much else to say. A lot has been going on with Abby and Alex's psycho stepsister, so hopefully she can get the restraining order she wants, and we'll call it good. Ridiculous. I feel really badly for her, because she doesn't do anything to deserve this shit.

6 hour nap today, so now it's 3:15 am, and I'm a little tired and definitely have to be to work in 7 hours, but I have zero motivation to go there, for starters, and now I'm into downloading all of this music and don't want to stop! So far I've gotten the other Copeland album I didn't buy, Anna Nalick, Rob Thomas, I'm almost done with both Cartel albums, and I'm getting JamisonParker right now. Yay!

The Life Soundtrack Explanations...

This is the email I sent out to Karen and Abby, concerning my life soundtrack...

I suppose that my life soundtrack could use some explanation. I didn't send any with it because I felt as though it's initial impact would be better felt without the clutter of my reasoning. Before I begin, I will say that the beginning is a little slow. Until track 5 (Jack Johnson), it's sometimes hard to get through...perhaps that's symbolic of me, haha. Hard to get through 'til track 5; I love it. Aaaanyway, my life soundtracks are always working projects; in fact, as I type, I am downloading some new music that I might find to be more fitting than some of what I've put on here. Some of the songs have been on my soundtracks before, and others might never be again, and...I'll just explain them now.

1. Life Is Wonderful Jason Mraz: This is the first track on his latest album, and just a really great start to a CD. When I start most lengthy car trips by myself, this is the first disc I listen to (both times I've left your house at 7am, this is in fact what has gotten played). I love how Mraz can twist words into anything he wants, and he makes it sound effortless. And I think he could talk about grouting and make it sound profound. Aaand his voice is amazing.

2. Fix You Coldplay: This song can be taken 2 ways for me. It's almost an anthem from me to other people, because I will do anything to make things better/easier for my friends, always. Even if I can't, or if anything I do won't make a difference, I will try. It can also be Chris Martin telling me that, yes things can be really shitty, but that someone cares. Because that's all you need sometimes, you know? And I'm a strong person when it comes to dealing with things that are rough mentally/emotionally, a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, so I like being that person that other people can come to when they can't do it. I might need that someday, and karma will hook it up.

3. Maybe I Five For Fighting: This band is much better than "Superman (It's Not Easy)" gives them credit for. Their album (Battle For Everything) was an obsession of mine in the fall of 2003, then it got stuck in the archives for awhile and just recently I've been relaxing to it again. I can't tell if he's saying "maybe I" like the person he's singing to isn't sure, or if he's saying "maybe I" like he's not really sure of himself, and he's still trying to figure himself out. I'm still trying to figure me out, so that's what I get from it. Knowing that, he's pretty much got the rest laid out for me.

4. Twentysomething Jamie Cullum: I love the jazzy groove thing sometimes. And Jamie Cullum is just spectacular. This song will possibly be on the soundtrack for the next 9 years or so :o).

5. Dreams Be Dreams Jack Johnson: Being a girl with some big plans for her life and a batch of lofty dreams, every once in awhile I need a reminder that it can happen. It's hard to keep your eyes on the prize when the only thing you really want is still 15+ years away...and there's no way of knowing if I'll ever even get there. "Don't let your dreams be dreams."

6. Grey Street Dave Matthews Band: There has never been a song written more perfectly for anyone else than this song for me. Dave Matthews was in my head for a long time, taking a lot of notes to figure it out. But he did it, and if I was to only have one song define me, this would be it. Every word of it is accurate. "She's dreamed herself a million times around the world, but she can't get out of this place." "..she prays to God most every night; and though she swears he doesn't listen, there's still a hope in her he might." Since shortly after this album came out, this song has been on repeat...it will never cease to amaze me how LeRoi Moore can make a simple rhythm sound impossibly perfect and complex.

7. Best Imitation Of Myself Ben Folds Five: "I feel like a quote out of context..." I often feel like people generally put on a show. Who knows you? When you're at work, you're one person. You're another with your friends. Another with your family. What about in between? Where do you go when a different you is around? How do people not notice? (note: I like the Ben Folds Live version better, but I didn't think it's live-ness flowed with the CD...)

8. (Nice To Meet You) Anyway Gavin DeGraw: This is a talented guy. With a song that fits.

9. Break Myself Something Corporate: Another song from me to the people I care about.

10. Stay Where I Can See You The Starting Line: "For months you've been away...you're here a couple days, I've got all of the time in the world...to do with what we please; If it were up to me, we'd have all of the time in the world..." Throughout my life, I've had the tendency to spend every moment of a period of time with one or two people and very few others. Then drifting occurs for one reason or another, and I move onto the next one or two people, and the friendship is still there with the others, just the "best-ness" of the friendship is gone. Sometimes that comes back though. Or you have that friend that you don't have to see or talk to every day, or even every month, but when you're around them again it's like you were never apart (that's Abby and I). To me, this song is that abnormal normality.

11. Move Along The All-American Rejects: For the record, this band was mine long before "Dirty Little Secret", and I've had this song pegged as a single since the first time I heard it. And I love it. "When all you've gotta keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do...And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along, just to make it through." I like this song for my MS days when I can't walk very well and am feeling dejected and sad. Because sometimes the last thing you think you can do is literally move along. And it sucks. But with that, and with all things that are difficult, you know that if you just keep going, even minute-by-minute if that's what it takes, it will eventually pass and you will have gotten through it. Usually with a lot fewer scars than you imagine beforehand.

12. Am I Missing Dashboard Confessional: This has been on the soundtrack for a year or so. It's the chorus. (note: it's cool how the focus of the chorus changes from the first time he sings it to the last. He goes from making the "is there anthing worth..." the main part at first, and by the end it's the "it's a long way for an answer..." part.)

13. Happier Guster: When my friend-shifting has occured, I hope I've never made people as angry as this guy has made the Gusters. I don't walk all over people, and I don't let myself get walked on; things just fade away. Again, the key part is the background of the chorus. Generally though, I feel like this is a good farewell song.

14. Goodnight, Goodnight Hot Hot Heat: Not of a true significance in my life except that I can't stop listening to it. It's just...fun! And angry! I guess it just has spirit. (It's on my myspace profile, haha.)

15. Mood Swings Keaton Simons: "Nevermind about the crime, it's not abuse unless you leave a mark." When don't you leave a mark? Whether good or bad. I had to choose between a couple of his songs, and ultimately chose this one because he's so jumbled with how he feels, and keeps trying even though he hates it. And I like that theme. Who can't relate to that?

16. The Future Freaks Me Out Motion City Soundtrack: I think the title says it.

17. I'm Still Here Vertical Horizon: I'm going to open my pride box a little here and volunteer something I don't tell very many people. A weakness, if you will. I can lay out every goal I have for myself, and tell you exactly what things I want to find out, and what honorary degrees I want, and even set up a timetable in the future for my endeavors, such as tell you how old I'm going to be when I get awarded my first Nobel Prize. But as far as getting there, the following are a few of the major emotions: fear, anxiety, stress, excitement, motivation. Etc. This song is kind of how I feel as far as...it seems like everyone around me has long since determined the path they're going to take to their end point. I get this forboding feeling of helplessness and my head starts to swim and my heart races when I think about it. And I can't even feel good about making decisions anymore because I feel like I've taken too long. I'm not on the schedule everyone around me is on, and that is partially me and partially things I had no way of controlling...but it makes me feel worthless sometimes.

18. It's For the Best Straylight Run: It's just...true. I can't tell you how many times, before I'd ever heard this song, I'd thought to myself, "I feel like I've lost maturity since (insert time period here)." So when I heard, "as young as I was, I felt older back then...more disciplined, stronger, and certain", I thought...wow. And then that whole "and I've become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything", I thought...there are words for how I feel. Finally.

19. Look After You The Fray: "Forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wait..."

20. The Sun Song Michael Tolcher: It's hopeful, and positive, and just plain good. Michael is another artist that is underappreciated, and has a way with words that is unique. This song is like...it's on you. And you've got this. Thank you, Michael. I love you. :o)

21. Everything's Right Matt Wertz: If this song doesn't make you want to get into your car, roll the windows down, and tap this beat on the wheel, then...you're not me, haha. Wertz has a way with making you think, "Spring! I want it! I want to drive in it!" And it's just a good ending. I didn't want to end my life soundtrack all slow and sad and blah. Because it's not, and I'm not. I really like life, and I like me for the most part, and can deal with where I'm at. And I love the moments that this song is about. When everything's right.