The Saga of the Serbs...
This story is just too funny to not blog about...some names have been changed to protect the innocent, certain ethnic groups, and those who don't have a proper sense of humor.
It truly starts in April of 2004 when I met my roommate Andrea, for that is when the snark-fest began. What can we say? We're acerbically witty. Rather clever. Ridiculously intelligent. Our greatness is our cross to bear. :-) Shortly after I met her, she started the political science program at Aquinas College. She just completed her last year there, and will be attending law school in the fall, but that is neither here nor there; our tale is told over the last 7 months...
October 2007 :: So one night at the bar where my friends & I are regulars, we are introduced to another regular, called Sad Steve. Sad Steve, we discover, is a professor of History at one of the local colleges, and has a particular interest in warfare. Sad Steve is working on getting his Ph.D, and is contracted through the end of this school year to teach at aforementioned college. He's a nice enough guy, and we all log in a lot of hours at our favorite little brew pub, so we keep him around..
November 2007 :: Andrea comes home in a state of panic one day because she has a research paper due by Thanksgiving & she's having trouble finding information for it. The topic? Serbian genocide in 1992.
Me: Hey, my friend Sad Steve might have some information. He's got a lot of books about war things. He's a history professor around here, and probably at least knows where you could find some stuff.
Andrea: Yeah, ask him for me. That would be sweet.
So I send him a text:
Hey, random question, but do you have any books about Serbian genocide in 1992?
No response for awhile. And then I get a text back:
That is a random question. No I don't.
Okay, well...that's taken care of. The Serbs never have gotten enough street cred', anyway..
Fast forward to that weekend, Andrea comes with me to this bar where so many of us regularly drink our lives away. She is rather inebriated when she arrives, so when I point out Sad Steve, she immediately goes over to him and says, "Hey, how 'bout those Serbs?" To which Sad Steve replies (as I had since explained to him), "Oh, you must be the roommate writing the paper. Yeah, sorry, I don't have any books or anything about that kind of thing.." Andrea & Sad Steve proceed to get into a spirited argument culminating in whether Saddam Hussein brought stability to Iraq (Andrea argued that he did, Sad Steve said not-so-much) in the same way Hitler brought stability to Germany (Sad Steve's counter-argument). Excellent Glad-I've-Met-You drunk conversation, buuuuut... Gotta go!
Three weeks later, Andrea comes to meet me yet again at my favorite watering hole. Again, she has been drinking elsewhere, and again Sad Steve is in attendance, minding his business, watching some sporting event & drinking his beer.
"How 'bout those Serbs?"
..Eye-roll from Sad Steve
Loud laughter from us.
The next day Andrea says to me, "Dude. I am not allowed to ever talk to Sad Steve again. I've been hammered-drunk every time I've met him, and I think he will kill me if I say anything else about the Serbs!"
With the bustle of the end of the semester, the Holiday season, etc., there were not a plethora of opportunities for Andrea to encounter Sad Steve for awhile. But as things go, we eventually found our drunk selves back at our bar, and as the blustery snows of late winter hit Grand Rapids, Sad Steve was once again bombarded by the Serbs. You can safely assume that, over the course of Andrea's last semester at Aquinas, the 4-5 times she found herself at this bar at the same time as Sad Steve, the same Serbs were always asked about, the same eyes were rolled, the same disgusted looks were given...and Andrea & I laughed the same raucous laughter. Every time.
May 2008 :: Andrea & I are dining out one Monday night when we begin discussing her last classes that she's taking over the Summer to finish her degree. We are talking about how much we hate not knowing anything about our professors before we start a class, and how much we love RateMyProfessors.com to kind of preview them...
Me: Would you look yourself up on that site if you were a professor?
Andrea: Oh, absolutely!
We eventually decided we would become obsessed with it, & HAVE to look it up.
But wait..
What's that? RateMyProfessors.com?
We know a professor!
We are brilliant!
Let's ask him. Text time:
Just out of curiosity, do you ever look yourself up on ratemyprofessor.com?
No response...
...Still no response..
.............
...But unfortunately for everyone involved, Andrea & I had both recently stumbled upon a plethora of free time. Of which our diabolical minds were using for nothing good. Throughout the day, we became obsessed with knowing if Sad Steve looked himself up! We would scowl at every text I received that was not a response from Sad Steve. Finally, after hours of sitting in our living room, talking to our cat Viviane, and discussing a host of random issues over & over again, we thought...
We should rate Sad Steve!
So we tried calling him. Nothin'. Well buddy, we tried to warn you. We text him again, something like:
Well if you don't, you should. We're going to rate you!
Still no response! Infuriating!
So Andrea rates him.
Easiness? 5 (You're a lush. Can't be hard to take home.)
Helpfulness? 3 (You didn't have those books! Literally, you have one job!)
Clarity? 4 (I'm drunk when I see you. How clear do I need you to be?)
Rater Interest? 1 (Get serious.)
She took HST 101, and gave him a 'Good Quality' smiley face. User comments:
His knowledge of the Serbs is extensive. Willing to debate and listen to other points of view--but does have a hard time admitting he's wrong. :)
((Oh, Saddam & Hitler. You boys just keep coming back to bite people in the ass, don't you?))...
So the next day, Sad Steve finally texts back in the late afternoon:
Sorry I missed your call. Yes I do check RateMyProf, and you guys are ridiculous.
Ah, but we are so much fun!...
That weekend, here we are again at the local brew house we all love so much. When Andrea approaches Sad Steve this time, her 'How 'bout those Serbs!?' is infinitely more entertaining for everyone. Well, for us. Sad Steve still looked disgruntled.
Sad Steve: You're ridiculous!
Andrea: It's wonderful!
Sad Steve: You didn't even give me a good rating! You've never even had me as a professor!
Oh, Sad Steve...
First, here is our single tear ---> *
Second, text a broad back next time!
Not that we considered this any kind of punishment; we would have rated him regardless. Again, our free time does bad things to the people around us.
Now would be a good time to remind everyone that Sad Steve was done teaching at this school as of the end of this semester. Which means he's looking for another contracted teaching job to keep working on his Ph.D. Which means he's been setting up phone interviews, talking to schools, putting his resume out there... you can imagine the drill.
Sunday. I haven't seen Andrea all day, but I am going home soon. She & I had discussed our re-rating of Sad Steve; we don't want to add to his sadness.
I text him:
What do you want Andrea & I to say when we re-rate you?
Oh, look! A prompt response!
You don't have to re-rate me. It's fine.
To which I feel compelled to inform him:
Well, I can't make any guarantees Andrea hasn't already. Our plan was to give you all 5's, and just comment, "Is that better?" Though that would be infinitely hilarious, I will try to catch her before it's posted.
Sad Steve's rebuttal:
That would not be funny. It would actually be bad.
I'm at my brothers when this texting is happening, and he's been informed of all things that have happened thus far pertaining to the Serbs and Sad Steve. Ben points out, "You know, he's looking for another job right now, and places hire people now to look up job applicants on facebook & myspace and such. That's probably what he's worried about." Yup, sure was.
Me: Hey, let's not post Sad Steve's re-rating. He doesn't want us to.
Andrea: Uh oh.
Me: Uh oh, indeed.
After a brief telephone conversation, we decided we would simply flag the post, and get it removed. Done and done. "But honestly," points out Andrea.. "What college is going to look at Rate-My-Freaking-Professor-dot-com to hire somebody to teach there?"
The next week, I am nearly blackout drunk, out with a huge group of people, celebrating my birthiversary. Of course, we are at my favorite bar! I'm nowhere near Andrea for most of the night, and at the end of the night had no idea what planet I was on.
Sad Steve: Hey, Andrea, so about RateMyProfessor..
Andrea: Dude, I get it. I don't want to talk about it.
Sad Steve: No, just listen to me for a second..
Andrea: No! I've heard all about it. We flagged it. Done.
Sad Steve: I'm trying to tell you something!
Andrea: What do you want me to say about it?
Sad Steve: No, listen!...I had a phone interview this week, and one of the schools wants me to put together a presentation for part of the interview process. They want me to do the presentation on something non-Western. They looked me up on RateMyProfessor.com, and saw that I have an extensive knowledge of the Serbs! He suggested that they might be a good topic for the presentation..!!
Cassidy: Well then, do it on the Serbs!
Sad Steve: I'm not going to do it on the freaking Serbs.
Andrea: Well, if you decide to, I've got a 30 page paper on the subject. You can borrow it. It's the least I can do!
Get serious. Freaking amazing.
Just one more affirmation that our sphere of influence only keeps growing. Thanks, Sad Steve.
It truly starts in April of 2004 when I met my roommate Andrea, for that is when the snark-fest began. What can we say? We're acerbically witty. Rather clever. Ridiculously intelligent. Our greatness is our cross to bear. :-) Shortly after I met her, she started the political science program at Aquinas College. She just completed her last year there, and will be attending law school in the fall, but that is neither here nor there; our tale is told over the last 7 months...
October 2007 :: So one night at the bar where my friends & I are regulars, we are introduced to another regular, called Sad Steve. Sad Steve, we discover, is a professor of History at one of the local colleges, and has a particular interest in warfare. Sad Steve is working on getting his Ph.D, and is contracted through the end of this school year to teach at aforementioned college. He's a nice enough guy, and we all log in a lot of hours at our favorite little brew pub, so we keep him around..
November 2007 :: Andrea comes home in a state of panic one day because she has a research paper due by Thanksgiving & she's having trouble finding information for it. The topic? Serbian genocide in 1992.
Me: Hey, my friend Sad Steve might have some information. He's got a lot of books about war things. He's a history professor around here, and probably at least knows where you could find some stuff.
Andrea: Yeah, ask him for me. That would be sweet.
So I send him a text:
Hey, random question, but do you have any books about Serbian genocide in 1992?
No response for awhile. And then I get a text back:
That is a random question. No I don't.
Okay, well...that's taken care of. The Serbs never have gotten enough street cred', anyway..
Fast forward to that weekend, Andrea comes with me to this bar where so many of us regularly drink our lives away. She is rather inebriated when she arrives, so when I point out Sad Steve, she immediately goes over to him and says, "Hey, how 'bout those Serbs?" To which Sad Steve replies (as I had since explained to him), "Oh, you must be the roommate writing the paper. Yeah, sorry, I don't have any books or anything about that kind of thing.." Andrea & Sad Steve proceed to get into a spirited argument culminating in whether Saddam Hussein brought stability to Iraq (Andrea argued that he did, Sad Steve said not-so-much) in the same way Hitler brought stability to Germany (Sad Steve's counter-argument). Excellent Glad-I've-Met-You drunk conversation, buuuuut... Gotta go!
Three weeks later, Andrea comes to meet me yet again at my favorite watering hole. Again, she has been drinking elsewhere, and again Sad Steve is in attendance, minding his business, watching some sporting event & drinking his beer.
"How 'bout those Serbs?"
..Eye-roll from Sad Steve
Loud laughter from us.
The next day Andrea says to me, "Dude. I am not allowed to ever talk to Sad Steve again. I've been hammered-drunk every time I've met him, and I think he will kill me if I say anything else about the Serbs!"
With the bustle of the end of the semester, the Holiday season, etc., there were not a plethora of opportunities for Andrea to encounter Sad Steve for awhile. But as things go, we eventually found our drunk selves back at our bar, and as the blustery snows of late winter hit Grand Rapids, Sad Steve was once again bombarded by the Serbs. You can safely assume that, over the course of Andrea's last semester at Aquinas, the 4-5 times she found herself at this bar at the same time as Sad Steve, the same Serbs were always asked about, the same eyes were rolled, the same disgusted looks were given...and Andrea & I laughed the same raucous laughter. Every time.
May 2008 :: Andrea & I are dining out one Monday night when we begin discussing her last classes that she's taking over the Summer to finish her degree. We are talking about how much we hate not knowing anything about our professors before we start a class, and how much we love RateMyProfessors.com to kind of preview them...
Me: Would you look yourself up on that site if you were a professor?
Andrea: Oh, absolutely!
We eventually decided we would become obsessed with it, & HAVE to look it up.
But wait..
What's that? RateMyProfessors.com?
We know a professor!
We are brilliant!
Let's ask him. Text time:
Just out of curiosity, do you ever look yourself up on ratemyprofessor.com?
No response...
...Still no response..
.............
...But unfortunately for everyone involved, Andrea & I had both recently stumbled upon a plethora of free time. Of which our diabolical minds were using for nothing good. Throughout the day, we became obsessed with knowing if Sad Steve looked himself up! We would scowl at every text I received that was not a response from Sad Steve. Finally, after hours of sitting in our living room, talking to our cat Viviane, and discussing a host of random issues over & over again, we thought...
We should rate Sad Steve!
So we tried calling him. Nothin'. Well buddy, we tried to warn you. We text him again, something like:
Well if you don't, you should. We're going to rate you!
Still no response! Infuriating!
So Andrea rates him.
Easiness? 5 (You're a lush. Can't be hard to take home.)
Helpfulness? 3 (You didn't have those books! Literally, you have one job!)
Clarity? 4 (I'm drunk when I see you. How clear do I need you to be?)
Rater Interest? 1 (Get serious.)
She took HST 101, and gave him a 'Good Quality' smiley face. User comments:
His knowledge of the Serbs is extensive. Willing to debate and listen to other points of view--but does have a hard time admitting he's wrong. :)
((Oh, Saddam & Hitler. You boys just keep coming back to bite people in the ass, don't you?))...
So the next day, Sad Steve finally texts back in the late afternoon:
Sorry I missed your call. Yes I do check RateMyProf, and you guys are ridiculous.
Ah, but we are so much fun!...
That weekend, here we are again at the local brew house we all love so much. When Andrea approaches Sad Steve this time, her 'How 'bout those Serbs!?' is infinitely more entertaining for everyone. Well, for us. Sad Steve still looked disgruntled.
Sad Steve: You're ridiculous!
Andrea: It's wonderful!
Sad Steve: You didn't even give me a good rating! You've never even had me as a professor!
Oh, Sad Steve...
First, here is our single tear ---> *
Second, text a broad back next time!
Not that we considered this any kind of punishment; we would have rated him regardless. Again, our free time does bad things to the people around us.
Now would be a good time to remind everyone that Sad Steve was done teaching at this school as of the end of this semester. Which means he's looking for another contracted teaching job to keep working on his Ph.D. Which means he's been setting up phone interviews, talking to schools, putting his resume out there... you can imagine the drill.
Sunday. I haven't seen Andrea all day, but I am going home soon. She & I had discussed our re-rating of Sad Steve; we don't want to add to his sadness.
I text him:
What do you want Andrea & I to say when we re-rate you?
Oh, look! A prompt response!
You don't have to re-rate me. It's fine.
To which I feel compelled to inform him:
Well, I can't make any guarantees Andrea hasn't already. Our plan was to give you all 5's, and just comment, "Is that better?" Though that would be infinitely hilarious, I will try to catch her before it's posted.
Sad Steve's rebuttal:
That would not be funny. It would actually be bad.
I'm at my brothers when this texting is happening, and he's been informed of all things that have happened thus far pertaining to the Serbs and Sad Steve. Ben points out, "You know, he's looking for another job right now, and places hire people now to look up job applicants on facebook & myspace and such. That's probably what he's worried about." Yup, sure was.
Me: Hey, let's not post Sad Steve's re-rating. He doesn't want us to.
Andrea: Uh oh.
Me: Uh oh, indeed.
After a brief telephone conversation, we decided we would simply flag the post, and get it removed. Done and done. "But honestly," points out Andrea.. "What college is going to look at Rate-My-Freaking-Professor-dot-com to hire somebody to teach there?"
The next week, I am nearly blackout drunk, out with a huge group of people, celebrating my birthiversary. Of course, we are at my favorite bar! I'm nowhere near Andrea for most of the night, and at the end of the night had no idea what planet I was on.
Sad Steve: Hey, Andrea, so about RateMyProfessor..
Andrea: Dude, I get it. I don't want to talk about it.
Sad Steve: No, just listen to me for a second..
Andrea: No! I've heard all about it. We flagged it. Done.
Sad Steve: I'm trying to tell you something!
Andrea: What do you want me to say about it?
Sad Steve: No, listen!...I had a phone interview this week, and one of the schools wants me to put together a presentation for part of the interview process. They want me to do the presentation on something non-Western. They looked me up on RateMyProfessor.com, and saw that I have an extensive knowledge of the Serbs! He suggested that they might be a good topic for the presentation..!!
Cassidy: Well then, do it on the Serbs!
Sad Steve: I'm not going to do it on the freaking Serbs.
Andrea: Well, if you decide to, I've got a 30 page paper on the subject. You can borrow it. It's the least I can do!
Get serious. Freaking amazing.
Just one more affirmation that our sphere of influence only keeps growing. Thanks, Sad Steve.
posted by Alesheia @ 3:22 PM
2 comments
